When we enter into a relationship, we don’t think about a cheating spouse or how we would catch a cheating spouse if we had one! Instead we look forward to knowing that there is another person in our life. When we begin a relationship, we know we have someone who will be there when we get home from work, visit our family, and help us through life’s difficult times. The possibility that our spouse will cheat is rarely considered, much less what to do if cheating occurs.
Unfortunately, due to modern technology and society’s increasing permissiveness, the promises that are made when two people enter into a committed relationship can be easily broken. There are many ways for a person to cheat on their spouse. Knowing these will help anyone catch a cheating spouse!
The five most common behaviors of a cheating spouse are:
Cheating spouses begin to appear distant and irritable. They care less about some routine issues and are easily upset by others. They may be feeling the stress that accompanies maintaining deceptive behavior in a relationship. Angry behavior can be self serving; the cheating spouse may feign being upset so they can indignantly storm out of the house. They are absent for long periods of time.
Computer time increases without explanation. The internet has exploded with websites dedicated to helping people meet for coffee, dinner, and just about anything else. A cheating spouse will spend large blocks of time on the computer, sometimes when the faithful spouse is asleep. When asked about activity online, the cheating spouse may become evasive or defensive because they don’t want to disclose what they have been doing. Also, they will delete their website search history to avoid detection.
Phone communication becomes unusual and raises suspicions. When someone calls, and the faithful spouse answers, the caller hangs up. In addition to being rude, this could be a wrong number, or it could be someone who only wants to speak to the cheating spouse. If the cheating spouse does answer the phone, they speak in a whisper or they quickly hang up. If anyone asks who called or if there was a number on the caller ID, the cheating spouse doesn’t answer the question, or they erase the caller’s phone number immediately after ending the call.
Cheating spouses suddenly develop uncharacteristic interests, for example, man who spends Sunday watching sports on television may begin to claim an interest in attending a museum exhibit or participating in an outdoor cultural event. Conversely, a woman who has continually expressed a lack of interest in sports will unexpectedly have knowledge of a specific sport, or she will be able to discuss the history of a team’s performance in that sport.
Money becomes an issue in unexpected ways. The faithful spouse sees a credit-card statement listing new vendor names or expenses, a notice detailing a newly revised cell-phone calling plan, or a change in the amount of money being deposited into a joint account.
It’s important to note that the above behaviors need to be looked at objectively and put in context if you suspect a cheating spouse. For example, if a credit-card statement lists an unfamiliar charge and a spouse is evasive about it, the charge may be for an innocent birthday or holiday gift. Also, if someone in a relationship begins to develop uncharacteristic interests, it may have been at the request of the spouse. Keeping behavior in context and not jumping to conclusions results in logical, rational decision making – and it can save relationships.
Once you have observed objectively and put your suspicions into context, if you still are worried about infidelity, consider making notes on behavior and keeping copies of suspicious credit card and phone bills, note telephone messages, email messages, and unfamiliar phone numbers, check on the spouse to see if he/she is where he/she is supposed to be. If necessary, hire a private detective to see where the spouse goes and with whom he/she is spending time. These measures will help catch a cheating spouse.